Why I Write

Writing sometimes brings out ideas and connections that I hadn’t previously been able to come up with. It’s almost like magic. I will start on an idea and while I’m typing I suddenly connect dots between topics. I really love it.

Not only does it produce ideas and thoughts, it allows me to better express and document them. You wouldn’t believe how surprised I am with myself as I look through old drafts of posts or Tweets. It’s like I’m reading a book that I forgot, but it was written by me…

Writing also allows me to fully focus on something. When I write, I lose myself in my screen and the keyboard in front of me. Even as I type this I can’t seem to think about anything else other than the next sentence. It is this odd “flow” of sorts that I haven’t been able to find anywhere else.

With that said, I also hate writing. Not necessarily the process itself (although that sometimes sucks) but publishing my works.

Truth be told, no matter how much I tell myself that I don’t care what others think, when I am about to hit publish a sudden rush of anxiety comes over me. I know that the consequences of someone not liking my work isn’t going to necessarily impact me or my happiness, but it’s still difficult.

I want my name to be on a piece that is smart and insightful. I want someone that I admire to read it and feel a connection. It’s not why I write, but there is a part of me that wants that.

However, this anxious feeling is why I started this blog. I felt that the only way to get over it would be to go through it over and over until either it goes away or I get good enough at it that I’m truly happy with what I am putting out. I am unsure that either of those things will happen.

I write because I want to get better at writing. I enjoy the state that it puts me in. I selfishly hope that my thoughts and ideas resonate with others and may help them. Besides, what’s the downside?

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